So... tired....

As I arose this morning, my head slowly peeling itself from my pillow, only one thought was able to creep past the barriers of my fatigue: Shower, Shower, Shower, Shower, SHOWER!

As I believed it unwise to ignore this boisterous command, I obliged. I showered. It felt really nice.

Once out of the shower, the call to action started to reoccur as my alarm went off. I had not pushed the sleep and was unaware throughout the duration of my shower that it had been beeping incessantly.

My next few actions, as dictated by the seemingly instinctive commands that my head was wired to relay was to dry off, clothe myself, walk upstairs, and then eat breakfast. 

It was only after I had finished this daily cycle that I started to think. I may have been conscious, but I had not conscious up until that point. I had not had an actual thought up until my first bite of oatmeal/yogurt and fruit medley. 

Interestingly enough the thought was, I wonder who made this? - I realized a moment later that I had prepared it the night before, yet the inquiry was enough to trigger a shift to a more aware mode of existence. 

From that point on in the day I was perplexed by the effects of my weariness, for an entire twenty minutes I had no thoughts that were not commands whatsoever. I allowed myself to become prey to routine. 

This idea of unaware action brought me significant distress; never before had I realized so much could be done without reflection. 

I realized how much of my day was devoid of this crystalline awareness that I seem to lose to the countless hours of studying at night. 

Not only that but I started to see people acting as if they were not thinking: those repeating actions infinitely without pause, those passing in the hallway bumping into me and not looking to say they were sorry.

Exhaustion was master to a whole host of people!

I can only be concerned for what this mode of existence could possible implicate. What would happen if a ceasefire was called during a conflict, but because the soldiers fighting were under control of exhaustion, they could not interpret their commands to be a message, but only background noise?

How evident this is in other people's lives? If you experience this phenomena as well, please comment to tell me about it! 

Clybourne

Today as I was walking down the street, listening to Five for Fighting on my iPod, and thinking about all of the homework I still had to do a completely random thought occurred to me that may have otherwise never come up.

A few weeks earlier I had seen the play Clybourne Park put on at the Steppenwolf theatre, a wonderful production in my eyes, and to get there I had driven downtown and back from the highway in my friend's car.

What I did not notice, sitting quietly in his back seat talking about the things going on in our lives that I only just realized today walking down the street is that the street that you turn on to get into the Steppenwolf theatre is called Clybourne street. (The street name is the same as the name of the play)

This realization is important because it gave me a hint into the personal experience of the writer, after re-reading the playbill it seems as though he himself grew up around the area of the Steppenwolf, and as his play had so much to do with social location I felt that his information on the area he was writing the play about was probably important as well.

The writer's social location worked into the fabrics of his play, informing every action with a very Chicagoan tone, which points to the fact that social location really effects all aspects of society, not just those written down, but those that encompass day to day interactions.

Everyone is effected by social location, it is an inherently human value, but what really intrigues me is how that translates into action. In Clybourne park, you see an evolution of action, and it is really interesting how the author's location shapes it.

What Does it All Get Us?

Today, as I was sleeping away my early morning Advisery period (a time in which students whom attend New Trier meet in small groups that are decided upon their first day), I began to notice some of the less subtle patterns that persist on a daily basis.

There are kids whom sit and play, talking with one another about a "sweet" new video game they have been wasting their time playing. There are kids whom do the homework that they were to lazy/tired (life is very stressful at New Trier) the night before. There are kids who sleep the period away as a time to let loose and catch up on the sleep they were deprived of the night before (me). Yet the ones I noticed most clearly were the ones that I sit, not too coincidentally, right in the midst of.

If I had to brand this group of young men, I believe that I would use the word ambitious, which in many ways can be slightly misgiving as I would probably define ambition as something much different from the characteristic that these boys exhibit.

Every morning they sit and talk about one subject, and one subject alone. That is college. It is all about college.

Now it is hard to imagine so much time being spent on one subject, I understand the confusion, but believe me it is possible. Here are some of the ludicrous topics that I endure:

1. High School Course Selection - This is my favorite, every morning a discussion starts up as to what classes college will look favorably upon. It is commonly held that only the most rigorous courses, based completely on how much you can memorize of a textbook, will truly get colleges on board. This conversation slowly shifts from a question posed, to a facetious assault on all those that choose not to slowly and painfully kill themselves with textbook readings every night.
2. Where to Go? - This really is the most interesting, as it is at the heart of the topic. Any school that is not dressed in reigns of ivy is considered taboo, and kids who truly do not want to have any association with such an institution are instantly shunned, only to be brought back into the conversation, being allowed only to apologize to the group by rescinding their comment. One morning I hinted that I would really enjoy going to the University of California at Berkeley. The first response that I got was a snicker, and then a comment I will never forget, "that hippy playground? That school is for people that have no aim in life!". Little judgements such as this are things that really stick in the heads of those so fortunate as to have them directed in their general direction.
3. What to Study? - A subject that slowly becomes more gruesome as the years go by, exactly what people want to go to school for is slowly ripped apart by those that deem it as lesser than their own personal choices. There is always an air of superiority about when this topic is discussed. It is a literal breeding ground for exceptionalism, and it is almost painful to be a part of. If anyone were to even suggest a major that is not considered academic, such as I did one day entertaining the idea of becoming a singer, they would instantly be chastised through harsh insults until their only option was to repent to the socially created gods become of the so-called future business majors.

It may not seem so crazy to want to talk about these things, as many people are truly concerned about them. The problem comes when people no longer use the conversations to satisfy inquiry, but to reassure themselves that they are making the right decisions by putting down all others within the conversation.

Because this is America, right? One size fits all, you need to go to school and get a degree or else you will be considered a second class citizen. It all boils down to efficiency, you are supposed to strive to become the most productive person you can be (this is not a bad idea, given that productive is not given such a narrow meaning).

I believe that these odd occurrences are evidence of a lingering mentality, an almost overly patriotic sentiment that has been evidenced during very perilous times. When the private sector boomed as part of the war effort and everyone was supposed to either become a factory worker or a valiant war fighter.

In the midst of a huge economic recession I fear that we are falling back into this trend of emphasis on efficiency that breeds an overly patriotic sentiment, yet I still do not understand what it gets us. In an ever changing world, we should be emphasizing diversity, not cookie cutter lifestyles. What does it all get us?